Affirming Pain and Gain

The journey to Peace is not travelled along affirmations of calm. It’s created by stepping-stones of hurt

Well, that’s what all the books, and podcasts and the reborn Russell Brand all say, isn’t it? Think calm thoughts. Find your serenity. Say affirmations for some of the good things in your life that, right now, feels hopeless.

Have you noticed that none of these actually work? For those who have not tried “affirmations”, it’s because your gut tells you they won’t work.

There’s a reason that they don’t work. All they are designed to do is put some temporary sound-proof material between the ants and the fingers of Anxiety tapping on the glass case.

So long as they are having any effect, it is only to make the Anxiety fingers tap louder, then start thumping, the turning into a fist.

“Ted-CBT! Are you saying that affirmations are wrong?” No. Absolutely not. Except when they are affirming the wrong thing.

We can’t think our way into Soothing, by using artificial sweetener. Every cell in our body can taste the difference.

When someone’s knocking at the door, do you best communicate an enquiry into who it is and what they want, by closing the curtains and stuffing cotton buds into your ears?

When your baby is crying, would you soundproof the door, and turn up the Netflix programme?

Would you put blindfolds on the ants, and pop them inside little ant headphones? Yes. It’s what we do all the time.

How about, instead, giving Your attention to baby-You?

You know how you would go about doing that: “Aww, Anxiety. Yes, I hear You. I can’t really understand in my head what you’re saying. So, could you cry a little louder please, or do that funny thing with your toes, and – oh yes! Seen that one before. Baby wants cuddle.”

Baby-You, here’s your cuddle, just the way you taught me to do it, all our life. I found a way to listen to that Anxiety. Baby-you, you’re amazing at showing me how to give you the Soothings you need.

I know. Having brought you all this way in your story of You, from birth to mug, sofa and these pages, you’re reading something that just can’t be right.

“Ted-CBT: you want me to make an Anxiety wound better by sticking a lighted cigarette into it, and twisting?” No. That’s what you’re already doing. I’m saying the opposite. I’m asking you to let the hurt tell you what Soothing it needs.

You already know what you get from lighted cigarette insertion in the wound: Pain.

You always knew what you get by feeling the hurt and letting that guide you: Peace.

The journey to Peace is not travelled along affirmations of calm. It’s created by stepping-stones of hurt. We were born to Dance over them, to our own unique music.

I’m not here to change You. I believe in You.

I believe that nobody can dance your Anxiety-Soothing Dance like you can. You just gotta really feel the music.

So you can Realise the Power of You.

From: I Want to Love But: Realising the Power of You